Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Dear Winter/Spring 2k9

it was not the weather. it was not the lack of light(ness). what made me need to hate you was your unrelenting commitment to misery. all the oscar-baiting holocaust films; the ice on the streets as black as your soul; overdraft charge increases - winter/spring 2k9 you had no joy in your heart.

even worse was the sadism, winter/spring 2k9. two days of "unseasonable" sunshine and warmth, followed by weeks of rain and bitter chill. had you no care for the magnolias, the cherry blossoms, for me? i even suspect you tricked me into gaining weight just to keep me with you; after all, who could possibly want me with 5 extra pounds of carbohydrates and heavy stews on me?

you kept wanting to blame chicago, blame me, blame me for deciding on chicago. i could have been anywhere, anywhere but here. in california maybe, and we'd have never met and could have avoided the entire tragicomic toboggan ride to despair and soaked through socks. but you know what, winter/spring 2k9? i will not blame chicago and i will not blame myself and i will not even blame you, really. you're a real son of a bitch, to be sure, but even still, i have no regrets.

i need to tell you this, you cruel and crazy bastard: i. have. moved. on.

summer 2k9 is far from perfect. we got off to a rough start and you'd done such a number on me i wasn't sure i could really throw my heart into it. but something happened.

it may have been around july 4, when those tiny little mexican children were trying to set our sidewalk party on fire with the thousands - literally thousands - of fireworks they handled more deftly and casually than full size, albeit shitcanned, adults. those children were tiny! and they were the best. summer 2k9 and i stood about, hands shyly shoved in pockets or fumbling with beers. we looked at each other and laughed and knew this night had a bit of wonderful in it.

perhaps it was the new apartment where in the perfect agaves and honey tones, i first appreciated the life and light and darling contrasts of summer 2k9.

maybe it was the july trip to boston, where i realized i could not get summer 2k9 off of my mind, and certainly could not keep it from my heart. it was a sudden awakening: i remember tearing back the shades and seeing fog for miles, and i melted with the certainty that this flimsy veil would burn right the fuck off and we'd finally admit our love.

and we did. oh how we did. we've danced into the morning hours, seen the sun rise from bicycle seats, cooked for friends, laughed with friends (even my friends are wild about summer 2k9! THEY HATED YOUR DUMPY ASS!), traveled, kickballed, beached, sung, screamed, written, read - yes read so much we've read!, and we've loved. my god how we have loved.

i know i will see you somehow again winter/spring 2k9, and i know you will be older and i hope that you will be wiser and, if there is any of the grace of god in you, perhaps you will be kinder. when that day comes and you see me - golden, 5 pounds and a thousand terrible memories lighter - please leave me be. we can share this city from our separate perches, of this i am sure. and if you're not such a prick we can maybe be pals. but this is it for me, winter/spring 2k9. i'm in love, the real kind, the kind you announce on facebook, and i'm never going back.

best wishes you gnarly, psychotic fuck,

p.s. i was cheating on you with bronzer for months.


Lauren said...

and she's back. :)

Anonymous said...

Oh dear Kristin my beautiful voice. How I long for you; how I need you. We were together once; we are together again.

Yours forever in our white picket encircled love nest...

kristin said...

i see right through the internet and into your heart, anonymous.

a b said...

That winter/spring douche you were dating always brought such assholes to your parties--hangover, self-loathing, general malaise--but summer 2k9 is absolutely the kind of boyfriend you want your girlfriend to have--he never gets all "she's with me" or wants to leave before she does. And I'd totally hit it with all of his single friends--fireworks, barbecues, beaches, boys, bikes, beards!

Also, it's not cheating if it's your bronzer.

kristin said...

a, barbecues is totally into your knee socks. he's coming by this weekend, lemme set you up.

Kyle said...

jay-z will solve everything.