Monday, October 26, 2009

i am a terrible person.

sometimes i get some bad ideas in my head.

on the rare occasion, however, it is a great idea gone horrifically, pathetically awry.
like that time i [had what seemed like a great idea and then did that really ridiculous, awkward thing i told you i wasn't gonna talk about here. still not talking about it.].
how about when i thought a trip to argentina with a boyfriend might salvage our profoundly broken relationship and came back single and terrified of the sound of raised voices and decisions?!
or when, in an attempt to win $20 for being so awesome and totally badass, i ended up with two infected cigarette burns that eventually hit my left arm up keloid style, bound to elicit for years raised eyebrows and suspicion as to what kind of home did i grow up in anyway? also, didn't even get the $20. (hint: you cannot burn through a linen bill with a cigarette. science!)

those last two may have been bad ideas all along. 

it was, however, a fantastic idea to take a few inches off the fast-spiraling-out-of-control mop-thing that was growing atop oliver and contributing to his very specific scent. even still, i don't know why we thought it would turn out alright when it was i who took a pair of snippers to the beloved pup.

here, lookit what a lovefluff he was 28 hours ago:
what a looker!

gimme an an hour with a pair of scissors and absolutely no discipline or regard for things like aesthetics or feelings, and this is what we end up with:

i'm not a (totally) shallow person. i have cherished this guy hard for a year now and i love his insides (excluding whatever inside is responsible for his rancid, rotting-cabbage-and-death breath) as much as i've loved his criminally adorable face.

but dude looks like an anemic gremlin given the rough hand through a suck n cut for real.

if you don't think this second photo truly demonstrates a dog gone uggo on the double serious, just take my word for it. he looks like a dickhead.

i blame only myself. i do. i accept, like a responsible adult, full responsibility for the stupid, stupid thing i've done and i accept that when i awake in the middle of the night, it is his creepy, crazy-eared mug that will be staring back at me, haunting me like the ghost of so many past mistakes.

but in two weeks, when this horrorshow has grown out a bit, i will look back on sunday, october 25th and laugh the way i've laughed at the whole silly lot of it because really, what's the big deal? so something got ugly for a minute. bfd. hair grows back. cigarette burns and flushed cheeks fade. the clamor dies down and what's left is the memory of an incredible week in south america speaking shitty castellano and drinking cheap red wine with friends.

and in any case, mishaps aside, lookit this punim:

some things are just too lovely any ol goddamn way.

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