Friday, February 19, 2010

friday morning

maybe it's just something about my head hurting the way it does this morning, the wine i drank by myself again last night. this swift and unsettling movement toward feeling something big and important and possibly terrifying, revealing. what makes vulnerability more efficiently, uneasily, as a hangover?

the point is that i'm listening to st. vincent, and i plan to for at least another hour or two. it's heartbreaking loving some music so fiercely, because there is no harder way to embrace it. you listen and that's the most you can do. i want to fucking touch these songs and put my face up to them. the anxious feeling that there's some better or fuller way to love something and wanting to more than anything and failing to every moment, because there really isn't a better or fuller way than to just shut the fuck up and listen and that is the most you can do. just shut the fuck up and listen.

love something with me

*it has been brought to my attention that this post may suggest that my emotional well-being is somewhat compromised.*
untrue. i'm great. just dehydrated and longing for some softer place than this shitty desk chair to rest my tired bones and close my eyes and nap and murmur and listen to pretty things until spring comes back to us at last. that's all.

besides, if i were going to broadcast my misery on the internet, i'd probably get a tumblr and depict my emotional unraveling via cryptic, decontextualized mary gaitskill quotes and meaningful photographs*

*joke! joking! please stop worrying about me and make some goddamn plans for the weekend! good christ!

3 comments:

Solomon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Solomon said...

Solixir: For the rest of your weekdays. http://chicagoist.com/2010/02/19/drink_this_saturday_morning_solixir.php

Lindsay said...

i don't much like abba either.