Friday, May 28, 2010

should I invite her to chat?

I've heard from one person so far about plans for the summer. And I tell you what, they are hot but a little creepy!

Plans this summer? Send them in to Chicago Summer at!

it's the last Monday of every May.

After this weekend, you can wear white. White shoes, white dress, white pants, white shorts (watch out!), white anything. I don't care; it's your wardrobe.

After this weekend, your bags game should have improved. Maybe not drastically, but somewhat.

After this weekend--maybe even during this weekend--be prepared to deal with lighter, fruitier, hoppier ales. This is not the season for heavy or dark. This is a season to mix your brews with vodka and lemonade for a wholly new and delicious brew.

After this weekend, your beach body is whatever your body is. And let's face it: you have a great body.

After this weekend, you might want to keep an eye on the nearest patio. You never know when it will come in handy.

After this weekend, live music can be your Monday, every Monday. No one will be sorry to see that you brought a picnic basket with delicate cheeses.

The first jewel in the Triple Crown that is the summer season. The first horse of the summer trifecta. The Father of the summer Trinity. Memorial Day.

bees don't like cheese, but I love cheese

the cheese song.


Wednesday, May 26, 2010

i'm going to new jersey

"Some things in life justify themselves emotionally, without the necessity for analytic reasoning. On the whole, Princeton Reunions fall in that category. In my moralizing moments, I may regret that reunions are too greatly inspired by the prayer: 'Make me a sophomore again just for tonight,' which...with the aid of a sometimes excessive consumption of the spirituous, rather than the spiritual, often seems to be granted."

 via this guy

Monday, May 24, 2010

my boyfriend's back

tom skilling is that guy at the party who nurses a lukewarm corona light while watching you and your boyfriend drunkenly lick each others' faces. 

anyone who wants to bore me with science and equinox related facts can see themselves to a part of the internet that gives a shit. it's summer in my mind, (would be) summer in my pants (if i was wearing them. which i'm not, and won't again, until december). 

i feel like i'm already falling behind in my seasonal affair. the hints have been around all month and i'm only just realizing i'm knee deep in love.  in may, we put the windows down and drove through south central los angeles, broken social scene curating. we jumped from perfectly good airplanes and saw our best friends and histories, surprised our mothers with our faces, feared concussions in san francisco, read about german amnesia (for which there must surely be a word - an intensely specific word) and guffawed awkwardly, appropriately, at the phrase "eat me raw, mister."  there have been lawns, too, and games for them. boards unlocked in level 9. i'm not talking about how many tacos. chess. 

it turns out i've been here all along. 

and now to pick a song - a single song? - to commit to for the months ahead. we all know i'll commit to nothing but instead end up making you a mixtape because a mixtape says i care. 

i care.

let's pick a place to start, though.

give me three good reasons to stop listening to this song ever. what? can't hear you. busy listening to local natives. 

i'll dance with u, gurl.

what would follow here is a video that does not exist for a song that does called "english garden" and it's by a band called like pioneers that i'd like to invite into my home so i can make them shrimp cocktail and micheladas which sounds not at all strange but kind of perfect to me.

it all sounds kind of perfect to me. 

UPDATE: 2:42 - 2:45 of the Robyn video wins. everything. dancepunch4eva. 

Thursday, May 20, 2010

why I knit

once, my sister went and got herself pregnant. after several years of wanting to have a baby with her husband that she loves, she was pretty happy. except that she got herself pregnant with a real pain-in-the-neck baby who landed her on bedrest and in one doctor's office after another.

anyhow, as a person who knits, I was delighted. baby blankets are basically the best to knit ever, and I found a pattern for a dragon. knitting a dragon was like a dream come true, except that this particular dream was coming true while I sat anxiously in a family waiting room with my parents and grandmother and brother and other sister. I knitted and watched them play rummy and hoped for good things from the exhausted heap of pregnancy lying in a hospital bed down the hall.

I finished the dragon and handed it over to the kid who was too sick for people like me to do things like hold him. and then I kind of forgot about the dragon.

then my old man told me about how the kid doesn't talk all that much yet, but he knows how to use words. "Like dragon," my father said. "He was upset and Shannon asked him what he wanted and he pointed to that damn dragon you knitted him and said, 'Dragon.' He hasn't said it since then."

and so that's why I knit. with knitting, I can pick some of the first words a child says. and I knit so that a kid can start out with one of these:

and can eventually handle one of these:

I also knit for forearm strength like many professional American football players.

Monday, May 17, 2010

horseshoes and hand grenades!

it's almost here. summer in chicago.

you can beat dylan michael (name changed to protect the innocent) up during the fourth of july fireworks like this.

you can go here on fridays when work is done at 1pm.

you can look pensively out onto the twilight skyline.

you can sheepishly drink in public and naomi can threaten you vaguely.

you can go to concerts in Millennium Park:

they will look like this up close.

you can visit Cloudgate with out-of-town friends. They will call it The Bean and so will you.

Plans this summer? Email them to!!!

Saturday, May 15, 2010

it's not a blog; it's a column.

two pieces on facial hair and organized sports in less than a week. this kid is going somewhere:

Friday, May 14, 2010

celebrity gossip blog!

rumor(!): oprah's favorite garrett popcorn flavor combination is the cheese and caramel popcorn flavor combination.

fact: i have better taste in books and popcorn than oprah. 

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

some nice things men have said to me recently

i was opening a jar of salsa and it made me think of you.
if our minds mated, do you think the fetus would abort itself?
did you eat yet?
 your hair looks nice today. not like yesterday.
you're a bitch. 
whatever happens, don't look at me for a clean band-aid.

Friday, May 7, 2010

"it is important to outshine a twat waffle"

coming to a throw pillow near you.